online dating messaging

How to Write an Introductory Message

Online dating has, for so many of us, opened a door that we thought closed. With online dating, love is no longer something that happens by chance, but instead something that we can reach for and grasp with both hands.

Our online dating profiles become a representation of ourselves, our personalities and our ideals, but they can’t-do the talking for us. Instead, that role is our own, and if you want to be successful, you’d better get the hang of the introductory email. Simple in format but (often) paralyzing in practice, we’ve all been caught out with what to write in an introductory email.

So, first thing’s first; don’t panic, you’ve got all the time in the world. Unlike traditional dating, nobody’s asking you to be brilliant in the moment, you’ve got plenty of time to sit down and write a missive which you’re happy with. With that in mind, here are our top tips for writing the perfect introductory email:

Show an interest in them as a person

Often when you’re sending an opening message, all you’ve got to go on is the contents of their profile. Any well-written profile will have countless little details which catch the eye, so remember what it was which impressed you enough to write the message in the first place. It might have been mention of a few years spent living abroad, a particular hobby or just a goofy joke that you appreciated.

By making your message about their interests rather than their physical appearance, you’ll make it so much easier for the recipient of your message to respond in kind. Remember the person you’re sending this message to probably has 20 inbox messages reading “Hi, you’re hot/cute/gorgeous/handsome”, so stand out from the crowd.

Don’t overcomplicate things

Amongst the internet going youth, there’s a common bit of slang for long, tedious posts which never needed to be more than 50 words long – tl;dr (Too long; didn’t read). Though we might be at our best when we’re verbose, the thought of reading a 1,000-word missive from somebody you don’t know can be daunting.

Keep your opening message light, short, enticing and interesting. Remember, you’ve got a profile to tell them all about you, so let that do the heavy lifting. The purpose of the introductory message is simply to let somebody know that you’ve taken an interest and you’d be excited to get to know them a little better.

Write with a calm confidence

The best messages never come from a place of absolute confidence (to the point of cockiness), but neither do they come from a fear of what the response might be. The best tone to take is one of calm confidence, stemming from the knowledge that no matter how interested you might be, the world won’t collapse if you don’t get the response you’re looking for.

Be yourself – always

It’s a cliche, of course, but being yourself when you send that opening message is the surest way of getting a response. Regardless of who you are, deep down you know that you’ve got more to offer by way of an opening message than “Hi gorgeous”. Be fun, be weird, be interesting, be unique, be you!


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